I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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