Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
