i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
