god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
