so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
