I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
