The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
