I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
