I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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