How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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