Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
