just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
not ubering you a puppy
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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