Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
