In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
