He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
