remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
be right there i have to get my cape
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
