Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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