I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
