note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
