Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
