Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize