and you said cock pushups were impossible
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
