OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
