I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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