I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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