I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
