I think my vagina is haunted
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
