If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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