guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize