Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
