the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
