Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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