4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you made out with another girl for some wings
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
