It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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