Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
