So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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