she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize