i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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