The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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