Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
