rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
