Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
