The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize