He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
