Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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