I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
