Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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