I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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