currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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