At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
