Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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