hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
