Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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