Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
