i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
