using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize