i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i will never coherently bang her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
