How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
