it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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