i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize