He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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