dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
