I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
