also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
