I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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