yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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