I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
