Please, let me fuck your mom
someone owes me an orgasm
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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