I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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