the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
