Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
