i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found the puke drawer
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
