somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
