I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You were trust falling into bushes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
