i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
