when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
