your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize