just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
