What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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