Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
