she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
