Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
