hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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