I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
