Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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