If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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