Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's like iHOP with fire
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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