So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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