no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
