I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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