He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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