and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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