there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
