where am i from again
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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