Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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