my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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