I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
