I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Green mimosas i think yes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
