So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
