I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
