the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
