Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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