I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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