Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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