Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
