Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
