i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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