I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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