You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
