The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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