Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Two words: blizzard sex
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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