You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
