I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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