He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
