ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize