is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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