Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
