When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
