This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
