non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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