im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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