It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I need to calm my uterus...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
